


When he Stumbled...

by lasairfhiona



Series: Blessing in Disguise [2]
Category: West Wing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-20
Updated: 2012-01-20
Packaged: 2017-10-29 20:53:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/324063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lasairfhiona/pseuds/lasairfhiona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leo stumbles and is caught by an unexpected person</p><p>Post War Crimer</p>
            </blockquote>





	When he Stumbled...

She'd had a miserable afternoon with her friends and the thunderstorm that raged all day seemed to fit her mood to a T. So when she passed the liquor store on the way to the Metro stop she turned around and went in. At that moment it didn't matter that too much alcohol made her sick. All she wanted to do was to pick up a bottle of her favourite red wine, hop on the Metro home and soak in a hot bubble bath with her glass of wine and Gershwin on the CD player.

As she rounded the end of an aisle she arbitrarily looked down it even though it wasn't the wine aisle. Imagine her surprise when she saw him standing in front of a display of scotch. Never mind the fact it was only seven pm and way too early for him to be out of the White House even on a Sunday or the fact he was an alcoholic and a liquor store was the last place he should be. He stood there unmoving, his hands pushed deep in the pockets of his overcoat as if by keeping them there he wouldn't reach out and pick up the bottle.

She knew he wanted it. The desire to pick up the bottle of aged scotch and get lost in the oblivion it offered was evident in his posture and expression. For the first time since she met him – he looked defeated. She couldn't – no, she wouldn't – let him do it. If nothing else maybe the fact that *she* knew he was tempted to drink would be a deterrent. Although they both knew the Ainsley Hayes who wrote the op-ed about him over two years ago wasn't the same person she was now. She hadn't known the true Leo McGarry then – Not that anyone, with maybe the exception of the President, truly knew *who* Leo McGarry was. The only thing she could say for certain was that the man she wrote about then was not the man she'd gotten to know now and for that reason alone she couldn't allow him to pick up that bottle.

Quietly, she walked up behind him, close enough so only he would hear her words. "You don't need it."

He closed his eyes when he heard her voice with its soft southern drawl. He felt damned and saved at the same time. Turning around he took in the young woman standing there in a casual skirt and blouse with her long blonde hair pulled to the side and spilling over one shoulder. "Ainsley," he greeted then continued as if it wasn't out of the ordinary for either of them to be standing in a liquor store. "What are you doing here?"

"Buying a bottle of my favourite red wine to rinse away the bad taste an afternoon with my friends left," she answered honestly, having no reason to lie to him.

"It won't help," Leo advised, irregardless of the fact he stood in front of a display of booze.

"I know," she agreed. "What about you?"

"Deciding which brand of scotch will better numb some news I never wanted to know," he replied. Normally a person who didn't share things about his life, he had no idea what made him answer her question with such honesty. Maybe it was because she'd been honest with him or maybe he just *wanted* someone to talk to and she was at the right place at the right time.

"It won't help," she parroted back to him.

"Yeah…" he said solemnly, knowing full well the oblivion of booze never made anything go away permanently or at least that which you were hoping the drinking would make you forget.

Unable to help herself, Ainsley reached out to him, laying her hand on his arm. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. I want to forget," he answered sharply.

She could only nod. The look on his face told her that whatever he'd been told rocked him to his core. She'd never seen Leo look so lost. Leo McGarry was tough and if something bothered him he rarely let it show and never let linger for long. Whatever his news had been it wasn't something he could compartmentalize as easily as he might have wanted to. "How do you feel about Katherine Hepburn, Spencer Tracy, and Ben & Jerry's ice cream?" she asked not put off by his mood.

He looked at her, confused as how they segued to movie stars and ice cream. "What?"

"Turner Classic Movies is showing Hepburn/Tracy movies every night this week. I thought since we've both had bad days it would be good to lose ourselves in an old movie and a pint of ice cream. I have several in my freezer." She had no idea what made her invite him back to her apartment.

For the first time since he'd sat down with General Adamly today, he smiled. Ainsley's sweet tooth was legendary and he'd never met anyone who took such simple pleasure in food. He found himself wanting to accept her invitation at the same time why he was considering it. There was one thing he had to ask, as much as he hated to. "Do you have any alcohol at your place?" He was as close as he'd ever been to falling off the wagon in a long time. If he walked out of here empty-handed, it wasn't the night for him to be tempted by a liquor cabinet.

Understanding his reason for asking, Ainsley took a mental inventory of her apartment. The fact she was trying to buy a bottle of wine testified to the fact she had no wine, nor did she have any beer since she didn't drink the stuff. However, the antique oak cabinet bar was another story. While she didn't drink it, she kept cognac and scotch on hand for when her father visited. "Yes," she finally answered with regret.

Shaking his head, Leo knew he couldn't accept her invitation. "Okay, then," he said with resolve. Looking toward the door behind her, he started to leave. Her presence had stopped him from buying the bottle he wanted, now all he had to do was get the few blocks home and he would remain sober for another night. He, however, never made it to the door. In fact, he never made it past Ainsley. She'd grabbed his arm as he'd tried to pass, stopping him. When he looked at her to ask why he found her smiling at him. "What?"

"We'll just go to your place. You have to have cable because there is no way you'd live without CNN and since I'm sure your refrigerator is empty we'll stop for ice cream." For the same reason she didn't know why she invited him back to her place, she didn't know what possessed her to invite herself to his. The only thing on her mind was that she didn't want him to be alone with whatever he'd been dealt.

"Ainsley…" he started to argue but her quiet, "Please Leo," unhinged him and he found himself saying "Yeah, okay." Taking her hand he threaded it through his arm and lead her to the exit. They both left empty handed and headed down the tree-lined street toward his apartment. He kept her arm linked through his as they walked down the street in silence, dodging the puddles left by the earlier rain. A few blocks later Leo stopped them at the bottom of the steps to an old brownstone. He looked at her one more time to see if she was really there with him then led them up the steps. Letting her hand drop when they reached the top of the steps, Leo punched in the four digit code that allowed him access to the building.

With his hand at the small of her back, he guided her up the steps to the second floor and down the hall to the door at the front of the building. She didn't know what she expected when she walked through the door but it wasn't what she found. Turning a circle in the center of the small living room, she took in the simple elegance of the décor. There were hard wood floors mostly covered with a Persian carpet. A nut-brown leather sofa and chair sat in view of a mahogany entertainment center with its doors open to reveal a TV and stereo. A matching coffee table was strewn with newspapers and news magazines. A bay window was turned into a window seat with mosaic tile and cushions. On the walls hung several mountainscape prints and on top of the entertainment center were framed photos of his family, including Jenny.

"It's beautiful," she commented turning back to him where he stood by the door still in his overcoat. "It suits you."

"Thank you," he replied, shrugging out of his coat and hanging it up then holding out his hand for her coat.

Slipping her coat off, she handed it to him then slipped her shoes off and sat down on the sofa with her feet tucked under her.

"Can I get you anything?" he asked as he slipped of his suit jacket, lying it over the back of the chair, then pulled his tie off adding it to the pile.

"Water or juice would be fine. Whatever you have, really," she replied, watching as he disappeared behind the breakfast bar and into the kitchen.

Pouring them each a glass of cold water from the jug he kept in the refrigerator, he came back and handed her a glass as he sat down on the sofa facing her. "So what were your original plans for tonight?"

Taking a sip of the water, she then answered, "I was going to buy a bottle of wine, sit in a bubble bath and try to forget what jackasses my friends can be." When she finished she turned and looked out the window behind her.

Reaching over, he squeezed her knee giving a bit of comfort and getting her attention at the same time. "Want to talk about it?" he asked, using her problems as a way to avoid his own.

Ainsley shrugged as she looked at him. "It's the same old thing. How can I work for the Democrats? How can I work for Bartlet? And those are the nicer comments I got. Today for some reason it got to me more than before," she admitted. She knew she would have to endure snide comments for as long as she worked at the White House. The flip side of that, however, was the longer she worked under the Bartlet administration the more the people around her became people she cared about instead of a member of the opposing political party, including and most especially the man in front of her.

Leo again gently squeezed the knee that his hand still rested on as he asked, "You still getting a hard time about working for us?"

"From the Republicans, yes. Especially after 'you' do something they don't like," she paused as he laughed and inserted, "which is most of the time." Ainsley smiled, knowing how true that was then added the final bit and currently the hot topic with her most of her friends. "It's especially bad now with the MS thing."

He understood she was stuck between a rock and a hard place. It had to be hard for her to work in an atmosphere where the beliefs were so opposite to everything she believed in. But from everything he'd heard from Lionel then Oliver, she'd made her own mark in the Council's office. "What about from our people?" He'd come to like her for the same reasons Jed wanted to hire her -- she was smart and would challenge them. He had wondered for a while, despite what he'd heard, how she was actually getting on with everyone being the sole Republican, especially now with the MS investigation going on.

"We've come to an agreement about what kind of comments are acceptable and what aren't," She replied with a smile.

"Good."

He started to pull his hand away, but she stopped him, taking it between her hands. "What about you, Leo? What happened today?" she asked not letting him avoid the issue of what happened to drive him to the bottle.

Again he tried to pull his hand away, then finally relented when she wasn't letting go. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath before telling her what happened. "I had a meeting with General Adamly about the war crimes thing." Part of him hoped she would just take his answer at face value and not question it so he wouldn't have to explain.

"He's against it?" she asked, already knowing the answer – there were too many people who opposed it for that fact to be a secret.

"Yeah…" Leo replied.

"There's more though, isn't there?" she asked intuitively, knowing it had to more than a few comments against the ratification of a treaty to make Leo react like this. He'd never have made it in politics if a little opposition rattled him this much. So it had to be something more personal, something about Leo and his time in the military. It was the only thing that could give him the haunted look he wore and only Adamly would have that kind of information about him.

"Yeah," he answered quietly. She was smart and she'd done exactly what he hoped she wouldn't.

"Tell me," she urged, scooting closer until her knees overlapped his and she could hold both his hands in her lap.

"I can't," he said shaking his head.

He looked more vulnerable than she'd ever imagined he could look. "Yes, you can," she encouraged. "There is nothing you can't tell me. There is nothing that can make me change my opinion or feelings about you. And what ever you tell me will stay between us." She grown to respect him and what she felt for him possibly went beyond respect.

"Not even if I told you I killed 11 people?" he asked sharply, once again trying to pull away from her as if just admitting his actions would taint her.

"Was it during Vietnam? Were you under orders? Did you even know?" she asked. The answers she received would determine everything for her.

Bowing his head, Leo answered. "Yes, it was during 'nam. I was under orders to take out a 'bridge'. Adamly told me today, however, it wasn't a military target but a civilian target and civilians were killed.

She pulled him to her and held him tight. She refused to allow him to pull away. Her family had a history of military duty. Her father had been in Vietnam too. Her grandfather had been in Korea, and great-grandfather in the First World War. She'd heard their stories, even the ones she wasn't supposed to hear and she understood that soldiers were sometimes ordered to do things that had they known the objective at the time the action would never have been taken. She saw Leo's pain and anger and understood it. Reaching out she let go of his hand in order to cup his cheek. "Even then Leo," she said quietly. "It was war and war is hell for everyone. Things happen to soldiers that change them forever," she told him caressing his cheek with her thumb. "Vietnam changed you. Alcohol and pills changed you. Recovery changed you and what you learned tonight will change you. But underneath all the changes is a good man who is simply trying to make the best out of everything that's been thrown at him," she paused before adding one last thing, "One regret that I have – is that I didn't know that about you when I wrote that op-ed."

He sat silent and unmoving while he absorbed her words. When he finally reached up and took her hand, holding it between his, he simply said, "thank you."

She wiped away the tear that rolled down his cheek. "Come’ ere," she said as she leaned back against the back of sofa, pulling him with her until they lay together. She held him against her, combing her fingers through his thinning, graying hair as his silent tear soaked her blouse.

He didn't know it at the time, but this is what he need more than the drink he craved. The comfort of arms that didn't condemn him no matter how much he condemned himself. At one time he might have turned to Jenny, but that was in the past. She wouldn't let him now even if he had wanted to go to her. She'd seen too much of the ugliness he hadn't been able to insulate her from. He couldn't help but wonder how it came to pass that it was Ainsley who unknowingly came to his rescue and why a beautiful woman half his age would care about a drunk like him.

He shifted again, trying to sit up, to distance himself from her again but like before she wasn’t having any part of that. He looked up at her and saw the tear tracks on her cheeks. Reaching out, he dried her cheeks. She'd cried for him and with him. He had no words to express the feelings that raced through him at the sight of her tear-streaked face. "Oh Ainsley…" he sighed, scooting up until he could touch his forehead to hers. "You shouldn't. I'm not worth it," he tried to tell her as he caressed her cheek with his thumb, before sinking his fingers into her hair unable to resist it's silky softness.

Cupping his face in her hands, she looked him in the eye. "Yes. You *are* worth it," she told him sternly then did something neither of them expected her to do. She kissed him – a quick hard press of her lips to his that left them both stunned and breathless.

Using the hand embedded in her hair, he pulled her to him, shifting so they lay side by side on the wide soft leather sofa. With on hand trapped between her and the sofa he untangled his fingers from her hair and caressed her cheek, watching as he eyes drifted closed and a soft sigh escaped her lips. Leaning in he touched his lips to hers, wanting to feel their warm softness again. And when her lips parted under his, he was lost in the sweetness of her taste. The feel of her against him made him want to strip them of their clothes and lose himself in her completely. As soon as that thought passed through his mind, Leo pulled away, almost pushing her off the sofa.

"Leo?" she questioned, startled by his actions. She knew he wanted her with their bodies pressed together there was no hiding his desire.

"Not like this. Not tonight. It wouldn't be right," he said with a sigh.

She nodded understanding what he meant. For them to be together like this wouldn't solve anything and ruin a chance to see if what they were feeling was just desperation and understanding or could possibly be something else. She pulled him closer and whispered, "Let me hold you tonight. Let me be your strength," she offered rubbing her hands down his back, soothing him.

He wanted her, as much as he'd wanted the bottle of scotch he almost bought. But he was also afraid, was what they felt a replacement for the booze and a set of understanding arms or was it more? What about her? What exactly did she expect from him? He had so many questions but the emotional turmoil he felt was taking it's told and exhaustion was setting in. He'd stumbled tonight and almost fell but she'd been there and caught him. He'd take he offer of comfort tonight and would worry about its meaning tomorrow.


End file.
